Satisfaction has always eluded me. My personality is naturally bent against it. The summary of my personality profile is "quality control." Not exactly the person you expect to emit warm fuzzy rays of relaxation. And I never really have.
Living in this realm of improvement mode I have often prayed and longed for the feeling, the deep abiding sense, of satisfaction. My eyes naturally find the things that need to be done or the things that didn't get done quite well enough. Always plagued by perfectionism.
But at last, for the first time in my life, I feel myself falling back into the arms of simplicity. A culmination of events beckoning me to savour the essence of life.
These events are not wrapped in relaxation. They are really just the opposite. So much so that surrender to simplicity is my only path to peace.
In just a few years my life evolved from the total self indulgence of childless womanhood to reckless abandon to the needs of a complete family. Nia, now 3 and Ian, 6 who came into our lives 2 years ago through adoption.
In the loss of self indulgence the simplicity of satisfaction gently seeped in. I found the glorious end of myself. The dawn of being poured out has emerged.
Not without a fight. The dreams that accompany independence die hard. Accomplishments that gain recognition give way to accomplishments that no one sees but my God. Somewhere in the journey of servanthood my satisfaction emerged. A supernatural blessing given when we surrender to the needs of others.
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay his life down for his friends(1)." Love. Simple and satisfying. Not found in perfection but found in surrender to the greater good.
My friend, if you have lost satisfaction look to Love. Surrender to it. Determine to let go of all that perishes. The crowns that we earn will be directly related to the pursuit of it.
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers(2)."
(1) John 15:13
(2) 1 John 3:16
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