I want to open a discussion about addiction and addictive behavior. My prayer is that the discussion is in depth, meaningful, and liberating- and that many of you will openly participate in the discussion:)
So let's start with the question, "what is addiction?"
What do you think defines addiction and/or addictive behavior? When does addictive behavior become addiction? Talk to me. Feel free to use the search bar to stir up some ideas.
I have a lot to say on the subject, a whole lot, but I would love for you to start.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Perfection is a Mythical Creature
We celebrated my daughter's 3rd birthday yesterday. It was 72 and sunny with a cool breeze- what a beautiful day for my beautiful girl.
My little "Nyah" (her nickname for this blog and part of her middle name for those who know her) has ushered untold wisdom into my life since her arrival 3 years ago. Probably the most profoundly difficult truth is the fact that perfection as a woman and as a mother is really a mythical creature. Not that I truly believed it was attainable before I had her- it's just that I had not let go of the possibility; that I still believed it existed somewhere in the blissful waters of mature womanhood...
Although some people seem to have always understood the grace of simply being human, my personality sets me up for disappointment most of the time. I am naturally very analytical (which my husband says is a trait named after me- ana/lytical), and I am very insistent about the pursuit of quality control. Some of you will understand this in the terms of being a Lion/Beaver, a D/C, or a Choleric/Melancholy- not exactly the most easy going of personalities...
Understanding all this, the myth of perfection is something I have had to embrace- for my own sanity and for the sake of my family's happiness.
For me the myth of perfection could really be summarized in these terms:
-My house will never be perfectly clean, ever.
-Clutter will never be a thing of the past- mail will keep coming and backpacks full of papers will persist.
-The days of showering blissfully every morning are over. I have mastered the art of faking fresh.
-My fluffy blue housecoat will be worn long after an acceptable time in the morning, as it is now.
-My house shoes are not cute, they are functional.
-I now define my workout regime by how much housework I've attempted and how many laps around the house I've made chasing my children. Real workouts are now considered a luxury item- no longer a chore but a welcomed treat.
-Any project that I start will have to live with the reality of constant interruptions and periods of exile.
-My email box will always be out of control.
-If I have a "perfect day" of playing with my children the house will be a disaster; conversely, if I have a "perfect house" at the end of the day my children will not have been my priority.
And I could go on...
Lately I've come to really own the fact that the closest we can get to perfection is aspiring to great faith and being a conduit of great love. These things, consequently, do not originate from me at all- they exude from a vulnerable place of Divine submission to the fact that only God is perfect, and I can only aspire to reflect His perfect truths. In this place I can let go of the anxiety of mythical pressures and I can embrace the grace given to an imperfect humanity.
My little "Nyah" (her nickname for this blog and part of her middle name for those who know her) has ushered untold wisdom into my life since her arrival 3 years ago. Probably the most profoundly difficult truth is the fact that perfection as a woman and as a mother is really a mythical creature. Not that I truly believed it was attainable before I had her- it's just that I had not let go of the possibility; that I still believed it existed somewhere in the blissful waters of mature womanhood...
Although some people seem to have always understood the grace of simply being human, my personality sets me up for disappointment most of the time. I am naturally very analytical (which my husband says is a trait named after me- ana/lytical), and I am very insistent about the pursuit of quality control. Some of you will understand this in the terms of being a Lion/Beaver, a D/C, or a Choleric/Melancholy- not exactly the most easy going of personalities...
Understanding all this, the myth of perfection is something I have had to embrace- for my own sanity and for the sake of my family's happiness.
For me the myth of perfection could really be summarized in these terms:
-My house will never be perfectly clean, ever.
-Clutter will never be a thing of the past- mail will keep coming and backpacks full of papers will persist.
-The days of showering blissfully every morning are over. I have mastered the art of faking fresh.
-My fluffy blue housecoat will be worn long after an acceptable time in the morning, as it is now.
-My house shoes are not cute, they are functional.
-I now define my workout regime by how much housework I've attempted and how many laps around the house I've made chasing my children. Real workouts are now considered a luxury item- no longer a chore but a welcomed treat.
-Any project that I start will have to live with the reality of constant interruptions and periods of exile.
-My email box will always be out of control.
-If I have a "perfect day" of playing with my children the house will be a disaster; conversely, if I have a "perfect house" at the end of the day my children will not have been my priority.
And I could go on...
Lately I've come to really own the fact that the closest we can get to perfection is aspiring to great faith and being a conduit of great love. These things, consequently, do not originate from me at all- they exude from a vulnerable place of Divine submission to the fact that only God is perfect, and I can only aspire to reflect His perfect truths. In this place I can let go of the anxiety of mythical pressures and I can embrace the grace given to an imperfect humanity.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Love is a Verb, Precisely Defined by Motherhood...
I was curious to see what would happen if I stepped back for a few days... and you kept reading! I must have a lot of browsers though because I have found that if I'm not writing, you're not writing.
So I'm back in my chair, happily.
Mother's day is this weekend. I became a mother on Mother's Day, May 14th, three years ago. I knew the greatest transition into motherhood would be letting go of being the center of my universe. When you have children, you are no longer the center of your world, you know. It is not about you any more. And I was all about me, and I knew it- as far as creature comforts are concerned especially. I like to sleep, I like my food hot, I like quiet- a lot, I like to walk fast, I like to blaze through a check list- uninterrupted.
Mother's, you are now laughing. You know these comforts are the first to go. I no longer have to have hot food... food of any kind is good- kids leftovers are not off limits, especially in a hurry. Getting any project done quickly is now a day dream (except in the bedroom). Everything is interrupted, and I mean everything -romantic rendezvous are now "quick- before the kids get out of the tub!" Walking anywhere quickly is only happening if I am chasing one of my children, otherwise they are lagging behind, in a beautiful world of their own. There is no more running here and there, it is now all about loading up the car with all necessary snacks, water, and preparations, getting to destination, unloading and proceeding with the caravan.
Motherhood is all about meeting your children's needs unselfishly. Motherhood is the epitome of love defined. It is challenging not so much because of the physical grind, but because of the daily sacrifice of your own personal desires.
If you are a Mother, a good mother, love is what you do everyday. Love is a verb as far as I'm concerned. Love is a state of being but it is always detectable by action.
True, I've reserved this little corner of the world for myself. You will not find pictures of my children on this blog (mainly for their own protection), and you will not find me talking about my role as a mother all too much. But, without my children I loose my most praiseworthy calling. I am so proud to be a mother. I am so proud of my amazing children. I am so proud to have given birth to one physically and another with my heart and soul. I am so proud to take them out and see them brighten the faces of everyone around. It's not me they notice. It's them. They shine, and that makes me shine.
I would so love to hear what's on your nurturing heart. This weekend is all about you, and me.
When it comes to These People
When it comes to these people
I love outside the breadth of my own capabilities
When it comes to these people
I feel beyond the limits of my own understanding
When it comes to these people
I must not feel like nothing for I am everything
When it comes to these people
the abundance of my heart knows no restrictions
When it comes to these people
I know not the limits of confinement but the freedom of sacrifice
When it comes to these people
I am willing
…I love these people.
Happy Mother's Day my Sisters.
So I'm back in my chair, happily.
Mother's day is this weekend. I became a mother on Mother's Day, May 14th, three years ago. I knew the greatest transition into motherhood would be letting go of being the center of my universe. When you have children, you are no longer the center of your world, you know. It is not about you any more. And I was all about me, and I knew it- as far as creature comforts are concerned especially. I like to sleep, I like my food hot, I like quiet- a lot, I like to walk fast, I like to blaze through a check list- uninterrupted.
Mother's, you are now laughing. You know these comforts are the first to go. I no longer have to have hot food... food of any kind is good- kids leftovers are not off limits, especially in a hurry. Getting any project done quickly is now a day dream (except in the bedroom). Everything is interrupted, and I mean everything -romantic rendezvous are now "quick- before the kids get out of the tub!" Walking anywhere quickly is only happening if I am chasing one of my children, otherwise they are lagging behind, in a beautiful world of their own. There is no more running here and there, it is now all about loading up the car with all necessary snacks, water, and preparations, getting to destination, unloading and proceeding with the caravan.
Motherhood is all about meeting your children's needs unselfishly. Motherhood is the epitome of love defined. It is challenging not so much because of the physical grind, but because of the daily sacrifice of your own personal desires.
If you are a Mother, a good mother, love is what you do everyday. Love is a verb as far as I'm concerned. Love is a state of being but it is always detectable by action.
True, I've reserved this little corner of the world for myself. You will not find pictures of my children on this blog (mainly for their own protection), and you will not find me talking about my role as a mother all too much. But, without my children I loose my most praiseworthy calling. I am so proud to be a mother. I am so proud of my amazing children. I am so proud to have given birth to one physically and another with my heart and soul. I am so proud to take them out and see them brighten the faces of everyone around. It's not me they notice. It's them. They shine, and that makes me shine.
I would so love to hear what's on your nurturing heart. This weekend is all about you, and me.
When it comes to These People
When it comes to these people
I love outside the breadth of my own capabilities
When it comes to these people
I feel beyond the limits of my own understanding
When it comes to these people
I must not feel like nothing for I am everything
When it comes to these people
the abundance of my heart knows no restrictions
When it comes to these people
I know not the limits of confinement but the freedom of sacrifice
When it comes to these people
I am willing
…I love these people.
Happy Mother's Day my Sisters.
Monday, May 4, 2009
When "love" goes wrong...
In a perfect world, we would all love perfectly. But what about when love goes wrong? What about when people love selfishly? The most painful experiences can result.
You know, Love's enemies are really pretty easy to identify. Have you ever heard the quote "there's a fine line between love and hate?" Ever wonder what it means? Well, I think it addresses how easily love can become a torrent of negative emotions when it goes wrong. Anger, Bitterness, Resentment, Jealousy- we know them well, and yet we are so prone to harbor these emotions that assault us. You know why? Because those emotions are usually about us- how our needs did not get met, how we were wronged, how we are really vested in our rights before we consider others... When love gets self involved, love goes wrong.
You can love a lot of things and at the end of the day it's all about how those things or people serve you. You can usually measure the extent of your love by those whom you serve.
So talk to me. Maybe you are in the midst of love going wrong right now... how can you make it right, or can you? Maybe you don't know what the h*** to do because you are so confused and entangled. Maybe you've been there and want to share how you got out...
Let's hear it.
You know, Love's enemies are really pretty easy to identify. Have you ever heard the quote "there's a fine line between love and hate?" Ever wonder what it means? Well, I think it addresses how easily love can become a torrent of negative emotions when it goes wrong. Anger, Bitterness, Resentment, Jealousy- we know them well, and yet we are so prone to harbor these emotions that assault us. You know why? Because those emotions are usually about us- how our needs did not get met, how we were wronged, how we are really vested in our rights before we consider others... When love gets self involved, love goes wrong.
You can love a lot of things and at the end of the day it's all about how those things or people serve you. You can usually measure the extent of your love by those whom you serve.
So talk to me. Maybe you are in the midst of love going wrong right now... how can you make it right, or can you? Maybe you don't know what the h*** to do because you are so confused and entangled. Maybe you've been there and want to share how you got out...
Let's hear it.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
So...How would YOU define Love?
The process of examining Love this week has been so refreshing. I know it provoked personal examination in more than just a few, including myself. After digging in to the subject let's continue by asking how YOU would define love? We have discussed how others have defined it, but what comes from your heart on the subject now that it has been simmering in discussion? Also, how does your definition compare to Love as defined by popular media?
Remember, questions are always welcome and what I hope to be the continuing heartbeat of this blog. This is a discussion blog with a counselor just waiting to be uncaged- so don't be shy.
Remember, questions are always welcome and what I hope to be the continuing heartbeat of this blog. This is a discussion blog with a counselor just waiting to be uncaged- so don't be shy.
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